Over Sharing one Blog at a TimeEveryone keeps asking me about the tragedy at Millard South and I feel like I should have something deep and meaningful to say but I don’t. Not yet. There is sadness and anger and questions. No words though. Not yet.
First, I promise, I will refrain from using any more Antoine Dodson quotes as a blog title, but since this about reality, or at least the version of reality that television and the internet throw at us, it seemed appropriate. That being said, I think Antoine Dodson serves as a prime example for the purpose of writing this tonight, so kudos to me!
Ask my husband, who for the most part, loathes reality TV and he will tell you that I am sucked in by nearly all of these types of shows whether they are on major networks or cable channels. I probably missed my calling as some kind of sociology major who studies people and their behaviors because I am a self-admitted people watcher. I find the way people interact with others and their environment fascinating. Each new person we encounter in our lives is a chance for us to learn something new, both about ourselves and others. Hence the reason reality TV holds me transfixed even when it is seemingly a total car-wreck of an idea. However, the evolution (or as I would argue, the de-evolution) of reality TV seems to have served up one dose of reality that just makes most people uncomfortable. Well at least if you have a brain and a heart and a good moral compass.
In the early stages of reality TV (at least as I’ve known it in my lifetime) we had shows that were the ultimate social experiment and featured catchy taglines like “Seven people picked to live in a house and have their lives taped, find out what happens when people start being polite and start getting real.” {Author note: If you don’t know what reality show that is from, this whole blog may be lost on you.} MTV’s Real World was my first experience with reality television and from the first day of season 1 I thought it was brilliant. People at their best and worst were on display for anyone who tuned in to MTV and it revealed that perhaps we aren’t as politically correct as we like to think we are. The most memorable moment for me is from the first episode when Heather, an African-American female and aspiring musician, has a pager that goes off during the initial meeting of the roommates. Julie, a white girl from somewhere in the South who has apparently led a very sheltered life, quickly responds to the pager with “Why do you have a pager? Do you sell drugs?” It was at that moment that the collective audience held their breath to await the response. Everything ended well and the roommates went on to provide a fairly entertaining season that had its share of social issues like race, sexual orientation and politics. Yes, people disagreed at times and yes, people argued and yelled and probably said some things they regret but overall it was an interesting look at the ability of people to adapt to a new situation and befriend those whom are different from themselves.
With the success of shows like “The Real World”, the flood gates opened and reality TV became the hot ticket for networks that wanted to boost ratings. MTV followed up their hit with a travel version called “Road Rules” and other networks toted out shows in later years like “Survivor” and “Big Brother”. Now I could sit here all night and list the list of reality shows that followed but I’ve not got time for that, nor the patience. Needless to say if living together and competing against each other brought in the viewers than other topics shot realistically would too. We got dating shows (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Flavor of Love, etc) make-over shows (Extreme Makeover, The Biggest Loser,etc..), cooking competitions (Top Chef, Hells Kitchen) and shows that showcased “normal” people doing something most of us couldn’t fathom, like raising sextuplets (Jon & Kate Plus 8), or even larger families (19 Kids & Counting). On any given night you can flip on TV and watch someone bake an amazing cake that resembles art more than cake, hunt ghosts, design clothing, compete for a role in a movie, get fixed up by a millionaire matchmaker, be a housewife in some location most of us would consider glamorous (Like NYC or Beverly Hills) or test their fears. We’ve seen teen moms and kids from Laguna Beach or the Jersey Shore become Hollywood types because a camera filmed them for a season. I think at some point we stopped caring about quality or value in these shows and started throwing on whatever the networks could think of next.
As I watch some of the offspring of these original pioneer shows, like the Challenge shows produced by MTV for former Real World and Road Rules house guests, I feel like the spirit of competition and show-casing the good in people has been twisted into something that most of these people on these shows should be ashamed of doing or saying. Instead of coming together to build a better understanding of other people or for a little healthy competition, these contestants or whatever we call them, have become the prime example of what is wrong with people. They lie, they get drunk, they get in verbal and physical fights, they act like idiots, they demean others based on gender, sexual orientation, religion, race and any thing else they can possibly find fault with during their time together. What is worse is that sometimes the degrading behavior is not from the people on the show but rather from those who produce it. People become expendable commodities that can be used and then discarded like an old magazine that has been read and tossed aside in favor of the next issue on the news stand.
It seems to me that if the “reality” showcased through these shows is truly a picture of us as a nation then we can’t really blame people who hold a negative view of us and our culture. If all another culture sees is people getting their GTL on at the Jersey Shore or getting drunk and competing in unsafe or demeaning challenges (I’m looking at you VH1 with your “Rock of Love” and “Flavor of Love”) then it is no wonder the only opinion they can form is that we are a bunch of low-class, superficial, unintelligent and greedy group of people who care little for others feelings, the law or basic human decency. Perhaps a new TV rating scale should be invented and implemented just for these shows with ratings for lack of morals and values, inappropriate language/clothing/challenges and a scale of 1-5 for intellectual aptitude. A new tagline is also in order, just re-work MTV’s old ones, just like they did with the reality TV premise: “Find out what happens when people stop being civilized human beings and start being a sad reflection on the personality of America.”
Undoubtedly there are some of you who will disagree with me. Perhaps you’ll argue that if reality TV were all that bad it would disappear altogether. Perhaps you may agree with me. Either way, comments and emails are always welcome.
So I promise I have a new blog coming that will allow you to win prizes, I just haven’t gotten around to it quite yet. But soon, very very soon!
Now onto the real point of this blog, the MTV show “If You Really Knew Me” which focuses on schools participating in the Challenge Day program. For those unfamiliar with the program, it is basically designed to get kids to recognize what others go through and to unify a school/community/group based on a mutual respect. Some exercises include small group discussions where each member starts his/her sharing moment with the phrase “If you really knew me….” and the crossing the line activity. If you’re lost, fear not, I’m going to provide small examples below. This television series may be the biggest significant contribution MTV has made to American programming in a decade (The Jersey Shore crew does not count, hate to tell ya!).
Each hour long episode introduces us briefly to the school and its’ major focus problem, cliques, segregation, bullying and cyber bullying, etc. After the problem is exposed we get introduced to a few students the episode will focus on while still showing the entire group participating. There is a brief intro from Challenge Day staff and then it is off to sit with your small group (which seemed to be assigned, there for encouraging some mixing and matching with new people). Small groups focus on the “If You Really Knew Me” activity, which I consider to be something every school should look into as a means to drastically cut down on tension within the school. This activity allows each person a glimpse into lives of people they may previously have never even talked to and also allows them an opportunity to see what kind of baggage their classmates carry with them every single day. Some significant revelations thus far include finishing the statements with some of these comments (paraphrased)….”If you really knew me”:
Needless to say that is not all of the revelations that have been made but it covers a large portion of them to some degree. As an adult watching this program, your heart breaks for these kids and you so desperately want to tell them to hang in there and that things will get better. As an adult watching this program your heart also breaks because you know for some of them that is completely untrue. However, as a viewer your sense of faith in humanity is restored when you see someone who has never said anything to this person (or in some cases has said hurtful things to them or about them) reaches over and takes that person’s hand as they share.
The second portion that follows the group sessions is the crossing the line activity. One of the Challenge Day leaders stands and reads statements and if that statement applies to you, then you step across a line drawn on the floor. It is like one big slice of honesty for the whole group to see and it allows people who felt alone to realize they are not as alone as they thought. In the first episode I was amazed at how many kids stepped across the line for things that by looking or by hearing them talk, you never would have guesses about them. Silly me for falling into the trap of judging a book by its’ cover. I noticed it in the second episode (it may have been in the first too, but I missed it) that they also asked how many of the people who were standing there were responsible or played a role in that person crossing the line. They don’t ask for a show of hands but the looks on faces and silence speaks volumes. For example, they ask you to cross the line if you have ever felt picked on, harassed or bullied for your race, gender, weight, sexuality or something else. Then after the students step over they said “Now think to yourself, how many of you are responsible for one of these people having to cross this line?” The downcast eyes and shuffling feet say it all.
At the end of the hour we are given quick snippets of the students teaching others what they have learned, whether at a football practice, a school assembly, or a dinner around the kitchen table. The only thing more I could ask from this show is that it follow up with these schools in a couple months and let us know (honestly) what has changed. My sincere hope is that thing will be much better in the schools featured.
Ok, wait, two things I could ask from MTV, the second being that they get this program into as many schools as possible. As grown-ups, parents, educators, mentors and role models, we can only repeat so many times that once you put something out into the world either in person or online or in a text, that you can’t take it back. I believe that this program provides a more immediate reality check and could solve problems several schools face inside there walls.
The Challenge Day group has provided us with a valuable resource and it is up to us to make sure it is used to its’ full potential.
Just a little something to think about….
Sarah
(To watch “If You Really Knew Me” tune into MTV on Tuesday nights at 11pm Eastern/ 10 pm Central to watch the newest episodes. You can also visit MTV’s website for additional info on the show. The link to the Challenge Day program’s website is provided in the blog)
As I read through PEOPLE Magazines list of good summer books, I began to make a list of the titles I wanted to download on my Sony Reader or pick-up at the bookstore. I was about 3 books into my list when I began to wonder how many of the kids I’ve taught over the last 4 years might be doing the same thing. When the number that I could name barely reached a second hand when counting, I decided to start adding adults, any adults, friends, co-workers, family, random people I talk to via social networks, whomever and I have to be honest, the list didn’t grow much longer. I have heard all the reasons in the world, or close to it, about why people of all ages don’t read: I don’t have time, I can’t find a book I like, I’m not a good reader, I’m a slow reader, reading isn’t important, I don’t know the words so I’m not going to read and (my favorite) reading is boring. So in honor of one of my favorite things, I’m going to explain to you why reading shouldn’t be dismissed so quickly.
First, the Gilmore Girls defense. For those of you not familiar with the show it is basically about a mother raising her daughter and the show chronicles Lorelai (the mother) and Rory’s (the daughter) life from 10th grade through Rory’s college graduation. Rory is well-read to say the least and often times this is part of the shows humor efforts because Rory often talks over the head of her mother unless they are referencing classic rock bands or old tv shows and movies…or so the shows creators would have you believe. Often times Lorelai makes references that are from classics of literature and often go un-detected by viewers or they miss the reference because they’ve never read the book. A whole episode spawned from a comment Lorelai made to her friend about how the friend was somebody’s “Daisy”. You get an hour of tv programming that consistently references The Great Gatsby that most people didn’t get and instead of figuring it out they instead chose to delve into the shallower lines of plot because it was easier (trust me…I’ve watched this episode with people who didn’t get it). However the Gilmore Girls defense is not so much that you miss things in pop culture but rather relates to a comment Lorelai made when Rory references a book. Lorelai says “Can you de-Mensa that?” If you don’t know what Mensa is, google it. My point simply being that the more you read the more you expand your vocabulary and your knowledge base. When having conversations with another adult, people should not have to “dumb down” relatively common words, yet more and more I hear adults using words that don’t even properly convey what they mean to say because they either don’t know the correct word or they think their friends don’t know the word. Bottom line, no one should bomb vocab on the SAT or ACT because if you read you would know most of those words.
Second, practice makes perfect. Whenever a student told me they couldn’t read or didn’t read because they are a bad/slow reader I would respond with “Practice makes perfect.” Isn’t it true?!? How do you expect to get better at something if you dismiss it? No offense to my non-reading adult friends but odds are if you don’t read on your own and to or with your kids then your kids aren’t going to read either. Monkey see, monkey do and all that. Aside from the practice aspect, consistent reading teaches us tools to help us read better, like context clues. If you have a digital reader then you’ve got the added benefit of being able to look a word up. When I read growing up and didn’t know a word I would ask my mom…till I was 9, then she started saying “look it up” and so I did. I say the same thing to my students and they gripe at first and then before the year is over they are telling others so I don’t have to or they trudge over to the dictionary shelf and pull a book out. The most rewarding thing to see when you tell that to a kid constantly is to be reading in a textbook in the last quarter of the school year and have a kid say “What does that mean?” and have another kid jump up and nearly run to the dictionary while asking “Can I look it up?” Adults often make the mistake of coddling the kids until they are co-dependent readers, they can’t get through one chapter without asking an adult to define something. I’m not saying don’t explain, I’m saying explain how to problem solve otherwise your kids will call when they are 30 asking you what a word means.
Third, reading can be a team sport. In school you know you loved it when the teacher had the class read aloud because it was WAY less reading you had to do on your own right? So find the balance in your own life. Share a book with someone and compare thoughts on what you read, it makes reading so much more enjoyable when you can talk to someone who is reading the same thing. If you have kids, nieces, nephews, you babysit, whatever…then read with those kids. The best way to read with kids who are old enough to read is to do a “You read, I read”. It is just like what it says, you read a page or a chapter depending on how long the pages are and then switch off and have the child read. When doing novels with 7th, 8th and 11th grade I used this and it worked with all 3. They learn inflection, voice and lots of other tools from hearing you. When reading with kids it is always important to correct without criticizing. You do kids a disservice when you ignore mistakes. Again, not saying you hand an 8 year old Shakespeare and then correct every word, but don’t let a kid continue to make a mistake over and over because it just teaches them to say a word incorrectly and then use it incorrectly. Be careful though, that you correct in a way that doesn’t make them afraid to read ever again. Case in point, we were doing projects on countries in Africa and I had a 7th grader who chose Niger. I probably don’t have to explain how he pronounced this incorrectly, I’m sure you can guess 🙂 When he was showing me his facts he said it wrong and I said “Whoa, wait, lets back up. Lets try saying the name again.” He tried again and it still came out wrong. I told him how to say it and then added “Well we wouldn’t want you to get suspend for saying it the other way!” He laughed, I laughed and he wasn’t afraid to try pronouncing other things in his report and even when he presented to the class he paused before he said the name of his country and looked at me and his brain filled in the rest. Because the correction was kind and non-threatening, he wasn’t afraid to try again and his brain assigned a positive connection to the experience, which science has shown helps us learn and remember.
In between all my intellectual examples here, can I just point out that reading helps improve your creativity? If your brain has to create pictures to help you get into the story then it has to get creative. I can tell you that none of the Twilight movies really impress me because the pictures in my head were better. No offense to Rob Pattinson but he wasn’t, and isn’t, MY Edward. Taylor Lautner is nothing like the Jacob I saw in my head and although Kristen Stewart resembles the Bella I saw, her portrayal of her does not reflect the self-conscience yet gutsy girl the book describes. If anything, the movies have down played the characters to the point where I no longer care to watch them because they are not a true reflection of the story to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love movies that match the books, like Lord of the Rings or even Harry Potter. Those work simply because I can’t even begin to imagine some of the vivid settings of Middle Earth or some of the magical creatures in Harry Potter and so seeing how the movie makers envision those things helps my enjoyment of the story. Favorite movie going moment ever was when my friend and I were at one of the Harry Potter movies and the magical creature, a Hipppogriff I believe, came on-screen. A kid in the front row went “WHAT?!” Clearly, this was not how he had seen this creature at all and I loved that. Sometimes books surprise you with the impact they make. My 8th graders cried at the end of Anne Frank, the book, not the movie. The movie made it more visual but the connection to Anne was formed through the diary, not some director’s vision. Their anger, sadness, confusion and that general lost feeling when the world lets you down and you realize not all stories end happily was due solely to the people in that book whose pain they felt and whose lives they lived through those pages. I always tell people that at Language Arts meetings there was always talk of getting newer novels because Anne’s story wasn’t meshing with “our kids”. Well my kids were the complete opposite of Anne in every way possible except they knew what it was like to be hungry or scared or alone or picked on for something you can’t control. Those things they hadn’t felt themselves personally they felt through her. I always pointed this out and hope that they never remove that book from the 8th grade curriculum because the stories that matter are the ones that get kids interested in reading.
Finally, it is never too late to start! My husband will be the first to tell you that he wasn’t that big of a reader, mainly because he prefers to see things and his eyes get tired easily when he reads. The solution to the latter problem was apparently to get a digital reader because his eyes focus better on computerized items then they do on text and paper. I don’t know why or how, but it has worked for him and he seems to have forgotten the former reason because of it because his brain is showing him the parts he previously said he needed to see. I love that 1/3 of the books on our Sony are his. Now I have someone who can talk about books with me because he can open the book I’m reading or have read and read it at his leisure and then compare with me. I love it! Aside from him I can’t help but think of a student I had a few years ago who brought his younger sister to conferences with him. She must have been about 4 and she sat at my desk where we had conferences and she drew pictures and spelled her name and her brother seemed to dote on her. Imagine my surprise when she told me he doesn’t do anything with her when I asked what she liked to do with her brother. I said “Oh he must play dolls with you or read with you or color with you..right?” She shook her head. I turned to him and reminded him that he always told me he was a “bad” reader and so why wasn’t he practicing with someone who could really use a big brother to read with her? He shrugged sheepishly and just watched her color so I turned to her for reinforcements. I told her that she had to give him a penny anytime she wanted him to read with her and she smiled so wide at that suggestion that I knew I had my way into his thick head 🙂 I handed her 4 quarters and said “Well…thats good for 100…will you read to her for a penny?” He agreed because he saw how happy it made her. I didn’t think of it much but slowly his reading got a bit better in class, although he still rarely read. At spring conferences she bounded up to my spot and took a seat. Before I could ask she said “I help brush the dog and my mom gives me a quarter and then (insert student’s name) has to read to me 25 more times. Did you know there were 25 pennies in a quarter?” Not a bad way to start getting him to read more. He told me a couple of years later that even now she will still come and ask him to read with her, but he doesn’t make her pay 🙂
So I’m sure most of you have quit on this by now but in hopes that you stuck it out, my point is simply that reading helps improve you and those around you. It enables you to expand your mind and your world view. If nothing else, it allows you, if only for a moment, to walk a mile in the shoes of a stranger. Through books I have explored vampires, magic, Middle Earth, concentration camps, revolutionary Russia and the U.S., the Civil War, Apartheid in South Africa, Communism in China, the Underground Railroad, the age of Pharaohs in Egypt and I’ve been visited by the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Future. I have lived in Denmark along side a prince in mourning who discovers his uncle is to blame for the death of his father and whose quest for vengeance only leads to more death. I have fallen in love with Romeo and died with Juliet. I have seen history through the eyes of kings, queens, slaves, soldiers, the poor, the rich, the haves and have-nots, immigrants, natives, saints, sinners, heroes and failures. I have laughed, cried and held my breath along side the Frank family and their friends when the Nazi soldiers came knocking. I have learned so much in the time I’ve been able to read and I look forward to learning more and being immersed in a new adventure every time I read. Reading is an escape and an education that no amount of money could replicate as clearly and as profoundly. There are millions of stories out there and millions of journeys at our fingers, if we only take the time to begin them.
When you live in an area that has been completely drenched in rain for a good portion of the last few weeks you have to start to find the humor in it as the rivers’ flood and mosquitoes plot their attempts at world domination over large puddle of standing water. I decided yesterday that I was going to build a hypothetical ark and then spend some of my free time deciding who or what was not welcome. If you know your Bible stories you know that the original story has Noah taking 2 of every creature and all the bad in the world was washed away. I think it is time for another cleansing as I glance at the news every day and shake my head. So I formed a small beginning list of those not invited and I reserve the right to add to the list (which I undoubtedly will). So without further ado (why do we say that?!) and to help out those of you who have been obsessing about whether or not you’ve made the cut, I present the preliminary list..so far:
It is a starter list…only 9. Going to need to weed out more than that? Suggestions…anyone, anyone? Must provide a valid reason is the only qualification. Feel free to (over) share.
Sarah
Do you ever get the feeling that there is something needs to be said, yet no one is saying it? Like that whole ‘elephant in the room’ concept? That pretty much happens to me on a daily basis and I began to wonder what if I just started saying things that I felt needed to be said? Isn’t that the purpose of blogs? So I decided to start one. They asked me for a title and as anyone who knows me will tell you, I often over think decisions to the point where anyone else involved gets exasperated. Funny, the blog site just sits and waits patiently while I over think. As I do often times in my life, I think what would a certain History professor of mine from Central Michigan University do at this point (you have to know him to love him) and my first thought was “over share” and Ta-Da! A blog was born. There is definitely no set topic or theme so over sharing seems about as good of a title as I could come up with. So from here on in it appears all my friends on social networking sites will be spared extra long ramblings via wall post or status update because I have officially entered the world of blogging.
-Sarah
Over Sharing one Blog at a Time 